I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once. Mitch Hedberg bunchcordhear Change image and share on social
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty. Mitch Hedberg cleandirtymean Change image and share on social
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. Mitch Hedberg picketeshow Change image and share on social
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg backnormalremix Change image and share on social
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.' Mitch Hedberg assumegonnaplanet Change image and share on social
Dogs are forever in the push up postion. Mitch Hedberg dogforeverpostion Change image and share on social
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up. Mitch Hedberg carrotdrinkmess Change image and share on social
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. Mitch Hedberg crateforkforklift Change image and share on social
Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen. Mitch Hedberg disillusionkingmake Change image and share on social
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.' Mitch Hedberg askbananafreeze Change image and share on social
